he wants to bone in the snuggie
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize