The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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