I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
