i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
