Me. At least after what I've been through.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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