not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
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He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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