I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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