Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
it wasn't lemon gatorade
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
