I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
