I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
