he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
