Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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