I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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