We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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