I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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