dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
