So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
These tits shall not be calmed
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
