I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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