i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
