My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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