the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
