my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
