I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
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