Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
