im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Randomize
