the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
