So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
