i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
