I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
