3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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