I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
