i would punch a child for taco bell
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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