Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I did not marry a roomba.
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