you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
