i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
