We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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