i wish starbucks made bloody marys
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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