I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i dont even know how to be here
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
