He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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