I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
