Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
