Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
