Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
