if you like me you must not know who I am
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She's not a foreskin expert like you
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
