eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
