you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
it glows. i had to have it.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
