a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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