Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
