First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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