So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
