Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
