You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
