but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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