I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
