Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
