this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
