he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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