If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
