I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize