i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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