Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
