I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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