i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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