somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
