Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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