You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
