That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
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If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
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Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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