She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
