this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
