just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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