I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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