she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
please come you make the beer taste better
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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